Mother mad at scientist husband for secretly naming their daughter after an insect: 'She said I had taken advantage of her trust'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Jul 2, 2024 10:00 AM EDT

Something is really bugging this couple, and it's the name of their daughter. Specifically, the fact that she was named after a genus of cicada without the wife's knowledge. See, the husband is an entomologist (insect scientist) and made a suggestion for their daughter's name when the pair had run into complications with the previous name they were interested in. The problem is that when the husband made the name suggestion, he did so while withholding the fact that the name was actually a genus of cicada. The wife, without having any suspicions of the name's origin, fell in love with it, and when their baby girl was born, she was given the name "Maua."

 You might be thinking, an insect? Cool! An insect is treated with reverence in many ancient cultures and their mythologies, and it is associated with the muses, musicians, and even rebirth and immortality. Well, that was then, and if you have a positive association with cicadas, you probably haven't lived somewhere with them. So, you're probably unaware of the disdain that they are regarded with as they fill the summer skies with their deafening chorus. Plus, if you've seen the literal infestations happening in parts of the United States, you'll understand why finding out the origins of your child's name is connected with that insect at this particular point in time could be especially upsetting and lead to understandable objections.

See the original thread, which was shared with this online community by the husband, who was wondering if he was in the wrong for not being truthful with the origins of their daughter's name. He was, predictably and resoundingly, put in his place by readers who shared their thoughts in the comments.  

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  • 01
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    via Christian Bowen

    Benoit Gauzere

  • 02
    AITBF for naming my daughter after a cicada without telling my wife its meaning? Serious I (32M) am an entomologist, and my wife (30F) and I recently had our first child, a beautiful baby girl. During my wife's pregnancy, we were debating names for our daughter. My wife loved the name Moana, but I was worried she might get teased because of the movie.
    via u/New_Struggle1453
  • 03
    One day, I suggested the name Maua, which sounds similar but is unique. My wife immediately fell in love with it. She thought it was a beautiful, exotic name and was excited to tell everyone. I didn't mention that Maua is actually the name of a genus of cicadas. I thought it was a lovely name and kept the origin to myself, thinking it was a harmless secret.
    via u/New_Struggle1453
  • 04
    Our daughter was born, and we named her Maua. Everything was perfect until my wife stumbled upon my entomology notes a few weeks later. She saw the name Maua listed under cicadas and put two and two together. She confronted me, heartbroken and furious that I hadn't been honest with her.
    via u/New_Struggle1453
  • 05
    She felt betrayed that I had let her fall in love with a name without telling her its true origin. She said I had taken advantage of her trust and that she would have never agreed to the name if she had known the truth. Now, she feels like our daughter's name is a joke, and it has caused a huge rift between us.
    via u/New_Struggle1453
  • 06
    I tried to explain that Maua is also a municipality in Brazil and that it has other associations besides cicadas, but she said she doesn't care. All she can think about now is her little daughter being named after a bug, and she can't stop associating the name with cicadas. AITBF?
    via u/New_Struggle1453
  • 07
    crimson777 7 hr. ago YTB and you know that. You didn't tell her for a reason. The reason for a name you pick for your child, even if it's a beloved thing that most people wouldn't mind naming their children after, is ALWAYS something you should share with your partner. This is a serious breach of her trust even though you don't seem to think it really matters.
    via u/New_Struggle1453
  • 08
    JetItTogether 7 hr. ago. • edited 7 hr. ago If you knew that your original understanding of the name (aka a cicada genus) would upset your wife YTBF. You deliberately withheld information to get your own way knowing your wife would not be okay with it. If you just didn't bother and didn't think your wife would care, NTBF. I suspect YTBF.
    via u/New_Struggle1453
  • 09
    Side note: Maua also means "us" in certain contexts, a tree in others, or "stingy" in Hawaiian Polynesian (like if you don't return a favor or don't treat someone with hospitality) or can refer to giving many gifts in others. It's contextual with the words it is paired with and pronunciation. Or "found/find/get" in Samoan polynesian. Not that it matters at all. Since your wife liked Moana as a name from a movie about polynesian cultures those meanings might be something she cares about.
    via u/New_Struggle1453
  • 10
    toastedmarsh7 7 hr. ago. • YTB, for so many reasons. Don't name your kids weird to be "unique" or "exotic". They're people, not accessories.
    via u/New_Struggle1453
  • 11
    • CJCreggsGoldfish · 6 hr. ago Literally only entomologists will know that it's a cicada genus, and I'm betting that they will all be delighted to know she was named after it.
    via u/New_Struggle1453
  • 12
    ChicksDigBards . 5 hr. ago YTB. I get it. I'm an entomologist too and we have some of the most beautiful names, but you should have told her where it came from. My most recent research was on butterflies and the genus names are incredible, and I wouldn't hesitate to name a baby Melitaea or Aricia, but I'd 100% tell my partner where the name came from. You knew she wouldn't like the connection, or you would have told her right away.
    via u/New_Struggle1453
  • 13
    I_Sure_Yam 5 hr. ago "I dont want her teased for being named after a movie. character... so I knowingly named her after a genus of bugs"
    via u/New_Struggle1453
  • 14
    KrzyLdy. 6 hr. ago I think ESH. You, for purposely withholding the information knowing, or thinking, she wouldn't like it. Her for not looking it up herself or asking. However this makes her only mildy an A. You're more of one. I wonder, if she did ask, would you have told the truth?
    via u/New_Struggle1453
  • 15
    Flat_Salamander_3283 6 hr. ago • edited 15 min. ago While the name is kind of nice sounding you are 100% TBF for not telling her it's provenance. When she (the daughter,) gets older she will have to decide on how she feels about it. Really freaking weirdo move hoss, your child isn't a billboard for your profession...
    via u/New_Struggle1453

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